contemplations lost

my meaning seeks to know me.
to translate how the hell i
should bother to proclaim
any rights to laugh at
the confusion that condones me.

up all night and disturbing
your sleep.
absently deleting your dreams of
silent peace.

i light up again.
i’ll be gone … long gone before
cancer counts my name that
stutters and falls on itself.
i’ll be no lucky strike
to represent an empty win.

i’m sicker than your chemo.
i’d be validated then.

live it up while you can.
my heart destroys me
each day, as i feign …
as the listless tides so absently
reclaim the sand.

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