departure

my bags are packed and
i’m ready to go.
i’m standing here
outside your door.
that door of my
conviction or
the entrance to
my redemption.
but they won’t
admit me,
just as the way
the world won’t get me.

i’m leaving on a jet plane
and i’m never coming back.
altitude shows me
the world at a glance.

and fuck it’s so ugly.
as ugly as me.

the world that denies
the helpless
in soft effort
to disagree.

cut me off.
block me from the world.
i have no wish to
be here anymore.

every attempt to
solace myself
is only a one way ticket
to hell.

but oh my darlings
i’m already there.
entombed within
this bear trap snare.

my leg’s coming off.
and my head’s
nodding off.

as if it were
so easy.
soft and loud and
sort of breezy.

the end.
i only wish that
the pain would
suspend.
for a moment.
long enough for
me to make
some atonement
to myself.
but i am self-contained.

every courage i ever
had is drained.

living in a mind
that wishes to destroy.
its only means
is the false expectation of
joy.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s