paranoia with a capital P. i guess that would be: Paranoia.

had a fine night last night. still here at my La Jolla friend’s house. we can call her Sally eh?
she says i can crash here as long as i want, but i have a court date up north on the tenth. and i’m running out of travel funds. guess i gotta quit all the shopping. car problems drained me a bit.
i think i have some tendencies of a paranoid schizophrenic, although i don’t claim to be one.
i’ve been in a little trouble with the law.
no i’m not a murderer! you think they would have let me out on bail for that??
still i feel like i’m being stalked by a detective just waiting for me to break, and so i keep using a VPN to change my IP address. i like to pretend i’m back in kentucky, in the old days. not like they were any fun but nostalgia is a powerful drug.
yet here i am giving full detail about my location. well, at least a general area.
it’s like a challenge. come get me you fucks! i’m in the car that spent her heydays on the rally track and is now just as depressed as i am.
so i guess as far as schizophrenia goes, “split-mind” sums me up pretty well.

had a fight with my boyfriend over the phone. well, Sally’s phone. the only function mine played after the dysfunction began was to track my location, which added to the paranoia. i threw the bloody thing in the ocean.
my boyfriend can be quite insensitive to mental illness. though i feel i cannot leave him. i live with him. i can afford no more than half a rent payment. my cats live there, and i’m very selective when it comes to them. they must live in a safe secluded neighborhood away from traffic. i’m afraid if i left, i couldn’t take them with me. my little soulmates.
i guess i could sell my subaru, get the pt cruiser out of impound, and pay rent somewhere for a few months while i figure something out.
if i could just finish restoring that vw i’d be cushioned for another month or so.

don’t know what to do. but now that i’ve typed it all out, i can stop thinking about it.
just lean back, hang out, and be in the moment. something will come along my way. surprisingly it always does.

welcome to my wordpress site: the garbage can for thoughts i don’t want. enjoy the show!


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