so tired. hope this makes sense. hope it doesn’t matter.
tried to do a little secondhand shopping here around parts of LA today. found a few things i like but nothing extraordinary. insomnia is really ravaging my head and my derriere, so everything seems quite fuzzy and filtered.
i finally arrived at a point about an hour ago when sleep seemed reachable, so i pulled into a walmart supercenter car park in orange county …
–really people, if you’re going to sleep in your car, 24 hour walmarts in decent neighborhoods are the place. no one bothers you or gives you trouble even if you’re parked all night. not too close, not too far from the store: right in the middle–
so i parked and proceeded to drift off to sleep; and i’m at this gone point where if i lay back, my body feels this very pleasant, almost numb sensation and my mind doesn’t bother me with doomsday prophecies for a while.
almost found real sleep when a friend calls me. an old friend with a charming little house in La Jolla who i’ve been trying to get in touch with since i got here. she wants me to drive down for drinks and chow and stay the night at her place. i was only mildly annoyed at being woken, and yes i will be heading that way soon. i could use the company.
there is a certain someone in this city of angels to whom i am closely related, yet we have never met or spoken as far as my memory serves me. at times i have been in a subjectively close proximity to him, just a shout away, but as inaccessible as ever, and i feel more lonely than when we are separated by entire oceans.
i don’t have the capacity to get all philosophical right now.
but i bet La Jolla has some awesome shops. and a bed will be nice. this trip isn’t going as planned. a few things have malfunctioned, mostly my brain and my body. oh, and my phone. did i mention that?
i fear i have already reached the point where i am too sick to take these random trips anymore.
but i’m going to live or die trying.